Fear, real or imagined
Sometimes when I listen to my mind chatter, I am reminded of Chicken Little. One little acorn fell on his head and off he went to tell the king that the sky was falling. In most versions, his story does not end well. We’re often driven by our worries and fears, and then we too are taken off our best path.
Fear comes from many places: fear of the unknown, fear of something new, fear of loss, or fear of failure. At times there may be wisdom in our fear, and we need to listen and act appropriately to keep ourselves safe and make our best decisions. Most of the time, however, what we fear is in our imagination. The dictionary actually defines fear as anxiety that is caused by real or possible danger or pain. The key word here is possible. It is often our imagination that creates the worst possible stories of doom and gloom, most of which will never happen.
You can overcome it
About fifteen years ago, I decided to be brave and try something new and challenging. Growing up I’d always loved to sing but was so extremely shy that whenever I had solo parts, I would sing so quietly that I couldn’t be heard. After many years away from singing, I decided to take a singing class at the local college. Every couple of weeks we were required to perform a song solo while our classmates listened and our teacher critiqued. What was I thinking? The stage fright crippled me just as it had when I was a child, but I wasn’t going to quit.
Our final at the end of the semester was a recital. All the week before my mind negatively chattered away at me. I decided my only chance of survival was to shift my thinking. Instead of thinking that I was going to make a fool out of myself and that everyone would be laughing at me for weeks to come, I began saying to myself, “It’s only three minutes of your entire life. There will be another singer right after you, so the audience’s attention will not remain on you. By dinner time they will not even remember your performance. Only three minutes, three minutes…” While not quite a positive affirmation, it was a beginning.
On the day of the recital as I stood in the hallway waiting to be called in to perform, I continued my positive self-talk and breathed deeply willing the tension to leave my body. It was my turn. The music began, I sang, and the three minutes were over. I had survived. Miraculously the audience was applauding, and when I was brave enough to look out at their faces, I could see that they were smiling…not laughing. My fellow performers who had watched me struggle all semester were stunned! It had been my finest three minutes of singing. After the recital, my classmates did talk about me, but it was with sheer pleasure at seeing me be able to break away from the fear that had prevented me from doing my best. All it took was a shift in my thinking.
To shift your thinking
Sometimes what we fear cannot be avoided, or at least we know it would not be in our best interest to avoid it. A trip to the dentist, a job interview, a challenging task for school or work, a difficult talk with a family member or friend are all a part of life. In these situations we are often anxious, fearful, and uncomfortable, but we know we must move forward. Our choices are then to move forward with the full potency of fear as our partner or to shift our thinking away from the fear of the event, and thereby change our experience of the event. So take a deep breath and step away from the fear. Channel your thoughts in a positive direction and create a plan of action that can lead you forward.
Not all fear, however, is based in the reality of our circumstances. Often our worries and concerns are simply creations of our imagination about future events that may never even happen. In these instances you need to come away from the spiraling effects of your negative thinking and move towards a better use of your time. If an action plan will help, make one. Otherwise, take a walk, clean your house, read a book, call a friend, hug your dog, or pet your cat.
It’s important to recognize that some disequilibrium and anxiety is natural when we are faced with new and challenging circumstances. These can be important times of growth and learning. Acknowledge the discomfort, find the value in it, but don’t let the fear spiral out of control and away from the true reality of the moment. Remember that the words we think and speak create our reality. Either our words can hold us hostage, or they can set us free.