“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Caught up in the rapids
I think of life as a river. It flows along without stopping, and I go along with it. Now there is something to be said for “going with the flow,” but there are some days that I just feel like I’m caught up in the rapids being tossed about uncontrollably and fighting to survive. When I find myself in that place, I know that it’s time to say enough is enough, grab on to the next tree branch that’s extended out over the river, hold on tight, and take a breather. As I cling to that moment, I use the time to try to figure out just how I got into those rapids and how I might get myself back to the peaceful flow of the river…my life. I’ve learned that most of the time I’ve gotten myself into those rapids by not being completely present in my own life, thereby allowing other people and events to pull me along.
Fast-paced lives
We’ve all experienced those evenings when we think back on our day and find ourselves asking, “Where did the day go?” We can easily get so caught up in the hurried pace of our life that we forget to pay attention to it, and with today’s changing technology, the pace of our lives is accelerating. We now have the ability to be connected at every moment. It’s innovative. It’s fascinating. It’s habit-forming, and it can undermine any chance of being alone with ourselves or anyone else for that matter. The term “take time to smell the roses” has never been more relevant than it is today. We need to learn to be part of the world we live in and not just mindless wanderers. We need to be truly present with ourselves and with others.
Being present with others
We have all seen people walking together or eating at a restaurant and each person is either texting or talking on their phone. If they are not actually engaged in an electronic connection at the time, their phone is in their pocket or sitting on the table waiting for the next communication. When we are with others, whether it be our family, friends, or the sales clerk at the store, we need to be truly present in that moment. Only then can we sincerely listen and respond thoughtfully. I often find that by bringing myself into the present moment, others will respond similarly rendering even the simplest conversations more meaningful.
Being present with yourself
We must also learn to be fully present with ourselves. You can begin this process by first learning to take a “breather” at intervals during your day. This means that even on your busiest days, take time to just sit, breathe, and notice where you are in that given moment. Don’t think about what you have to do next or what you did before. Let go of any tension, breathe, and feel the breath flow in and out of your body. Be completely present with yourself. For some of us being still is a foreign concept and one which makes us very uncomfortable, but we need to slow down and remember that life is not just about doing but about being. I find that I can actually be more effective when I slow down and live more consciously rather than speeding along unconsciously.
Practicing being present
Being present in my own life is something I have to remind myself to do each day, or I can easily get caught up in the day’s events and forget. I find it helps to plan some short “breather” sessions at regular intervals throughout the day. You can set your alarm a bit early and use the extra time to breathe in the new day and set your intention to be present for that day. Try reminding yourself of this intention again just before stepping out of your car to go into work, during lunch breaks, and before meetings at work. If you’re at home for the day with your family, create those moments of breathing space whenever you can, in the shower, standing at the kitchen window watching your children play, or even while folding laundry. It’s also especially important to learn to pause and become present if you find yourself in a highly emotional situation. It takes practice, but by taking a moment to breathe, center yourself, and become present, you can consciously approach situations so that they can have their best outcomes.
Assigning reminders
You can also create reminders for yourself so that you remember to pause and be in the present moment throughout your day. It can be as simple as a post-it reminder on your desk or the dashboard of your car or a small smooth stone that you keep in your pocket. Whenever you feel that stone there, it will remind you to come into the present moment. If you have a favorite ring or bracelet that you wear each day, mentally assign it the task of being your reminder. You can also do this with a special object at home and at work. When you look at the piece of jewelry or object, it brings you into the present moment and reminds you that is where you wish to be. You can even assign a quiet chiming tone to the timer on your phone or computer. With a little conscious practice, living in the present moment can become a natural and integral part of your day, and you’ll be far less likely to get caught up in the rapids of your life.