Grieving is one of the most difficult experiences that we go through as human beings. Saying goodbye to a loved one and knowing that we must continue on in their absence can be excruciatingly painful. However in this pain, there is a great opportunity for transformation. Just like the symbol of the Phoenix as death and rebirth, the person surviving the loss may find themselves in a great period of growth and expansion, birthing anew.
As a healer and communicator specializing in mediumship with pets in spirit, I considered myself well prepared to navigate this type of traumatic terrain. Of course, we have all thought that from the outside of a situation as we give advice to others. But when this type of experience sneaks up on you, it is quite a different story altogether. I was recently reminded of that story and had the opportunity to put the wisdom that I teach to the ultimate test.
Finding Positive Role Models
Going through the visceral pain of losing my Arabian horse, a companion who carried me in more ways than I realized in the last twenty years, I needed to know that I could and would survive such a profound loss. Certainly I wasn’t the first person in history, nor would I be the last, to experience such an ordeal.
I recalled the clients who had lost their spouses. They were guided to find me through their pets, and I became a witness to their metamorphosis from surviving into thriving. These women, unbeknownst to them, have become my heroes. They served as a constant reminder that I could blossom beyond where I was before I sunk into a cavern of despair and invisibility. However for the moment, I just needed the reminder that there was life still worth living without his majestic presence.
Be Gentle With Yourself
No matter where you are on the scale of self-love, during the time of sorrow, you will want to kick it up a notch. Now is not the time to beat yourself up with coulda, woulda, shoulda’s. (Well, I don’t think there ever is a good time for that, but my perfectionist side still begs to differ.) It is a time to be kind and gentle with yourself. I usually tell clients to treat themselves the way that they would treat their pets. Give yourself whatever you need in the moment and release the pressure or expectation to handle things in a certain way or by a set time. For me, I treated myself to about a year’s worth of bodywork in three weeks.
Open to Receiving
Our modern, fast-paced society does not cultivate an atmosphere of safety in regards to vulnerability. When someone asks you how you are doing, do you respond automatically with fine or do you expose your truth in the moment? I learned that I didn’t always have to be the strong or tough one. I could sit this round out and just receive the love, support and friendship that others were giving to me through cards, hugs and well wishes. But beyond the initial response, I saw that there was so much love to be received at any point in time if only we open our hearts, minds and eyes to the possibilities that exist all around us. Sometimes just the smile from a stranger, wiggling butt of a happy puppy, the sight of a cat sleeping on his back or the gentle strength and woodsy aroma of a redwood tree would uplift my heart for a couple of hours. These reminders always exist. The difference was in this poignant state, I was much more open to noticing and appreciating them!
Along with the deep pain of grief comes the feelings of regret. We all feel regretful when losing someone dear to us.as we think back on what we should have done and for me was the hardest thing to live with. Learning how to be gentle with yourself, just as you would for another, is easier said than done. But with time you realize you did the best you could with knowing what you knew at the time. And you learn to forgive yourself – for real or imagined wrongs. With time we can learn to laugh and feel joy again..