Recently I found myself questioning why life feels so difficult at times. Why does it feel like a constant teeter-totter of emotions and moods? Can’t life just flow smoothly along? “I must be doing something wrong,” I lament. So I began to examine this dilemma because after all I read dozens of articles a month about how to keep your life in balance and live joyfully. I should know the answer to this.
Do Opposites Really Exist?
I remembered a recent article I’d read about opposites and did opposites really exist. Are love and hate, happy and sad really opposites? What about young and old? Now there’s a question. Inside me young and old reside side by side. Each birthday I add a year and more wrinkles and more gray, but inside the young girl is still alive and well. Perhaps all those things that we consider opposites simply exist side by side. Perhaps sadness exists side by side with happiness; and indeed without one, could we even recognize the other?
As I continued to contemplate all of this, I walked into my office and found a mandala print that I keep above my computer had fallen off the wall onto my desk. Its title: Equanimity. In it the artist, Vikki Reed, purposely incorporates colors that are opposites on the color wheel, red and green, yellow and purple, because, as she explains, they complement each other and exist in harmony within the mandala.
Creating Harmony
Ahhh, I thought. Perhaps we simply need to find the harmony in our lives between the highs and the lows, the light and the shadow. We need to make peace with the “opposites” in our lives. We must learn to resonate with the shadows and accept them as part of who we are and learn to move through them. It is a matter of acceptance and by accepting this as the natural flow, we can then learn to ride the waves of our feelings and emotions. This was beginning to sound familiar.
From my bookshelves, I retrieved the book, When Things Fall Apart, by Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron. She says, “It isn’t the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer; it’s how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer.” It seems we actually make matters worse because we think life shouldn’t be the way that it is. By not accepting the emotions, all emotions and especially those we label negative, we cause disharmony within ourselves. Our discomfort arises because we fight it all and resist it.
What Can We Do?
I am in the process, and indeed have been for years, of accepting that moods and emotions ebb and flow through my life. When blue moods set in and I begin to chastise myself and think that my tools are failing me, I stop that flow of thinking. Instead I am learning to ask myself a series of questions. First I ask myself if there is any reason behind this mood. Sometimes the reason is obvious, and other times I can’t seem to find a reason. Either way, I ask myself, “What do I need to do about this?” Is there an action I need to take that will begin to relieve my anxiety. Do I just need to write, take a walk, hug my dog, call a friend, or simply sit with these feelings for a while? Maybe I just need a good night’s sleep.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that I am prone to seasonal patterns of sadness or feeling blue. I have learned that I need sunshine and regular periods of quiet downtime in my life in order to connect with my spirit and rejuvenate. There have also been times in my life when because of extreme changes such as divorce or the death of a loved one that the ebb and flow between moods ceased. Sadness and depression seemed to set in as permanent residents. If this happens to you, be sure to reach out and ask for help.
The ebb and flow of moods is a natural one. It’s important to become aware of your own triggers and patterns and then find the activities that can help you discover the harmony in opposites.
A thank you goes out to Vikki Reed for inspiring me with her beautiful mandala. You can see them at http://www.chakramandalas.net/mandala-classics.html