What are your first thoughts when you hear the word judgment? Often we think, “Oh, we shouldn’t judge.” But is it as simple as that? Whether we realize it or not, we are judging all the time. It’s part of the way our minds work. We make judgments about events, people, and ourselves.
Making Decisions
When we’re driving and the light turns yellow, we make a judgment about whether to stop or go through. Our decision is based upon our past experiences as well as our belief system. Because of our past experiences in driving, we see a yellow light, calculate how far we are from the intersection, how fast we are going and then decide what is safe. Also affecting our decision is our belief system. For some individuals, yellow lights mean speed up because I don’t want to be delayed in my travels. For others, yellow lights mean that we should slow down and stop and that the tiny delay is worth it in order to stay safe. It’s a judgment call.
Our ability to judge our life situations is crucial for our safety and well being. We benefit from making good choices about all of our life’s decisions, actions and feelings both large and small.
On any given day, we must determine what to eat, whether to exercise, and what needs to be done at work and at home. We use judgment when we vote, when we buy a car, a house, and groceries. We often put a value on our decisions. We judge this thing as bad, this one as good, or sometimes we say, “I’m not sure. I need more information.”
In order to make our best judgments, it’s important that we know ourselves well. We need to be aware of our values and belief systems and how past experiences have affected us. We then need to be mindful of the conversations that we have with ourselves when making decisions. Are we making a sound decision based on clear, accurate information? Are we clearly perceiving a situation or is our thinking skewed and based upon assumptions or faulty reasoning? Are we biased in some way?
Judging Others
This same type of thinking must also apply when we begin to judge others…and we do judge others. We make decisions about who our friends will be, who we want to work with, who we will share information about ourselves with. To be fair to ourselves and others, we must be sure that we are clear about the information we are using to make these judgments. Can we trust the information that we have? What was the source of that information? Did we talk to the other person directly or are we making questionable assumptions. We must also be aware that any information sifts through our own personal perceptive filters (which can be biased), so we must look at any situation or person from all sides. Most importantly, we must practice making judgments with understanding, compassion, and empathy.
Others Judging Us
Because we judge others, we believe that they are also judging us, and indeed they probably are. We can only hope that they also practice compassionate thinking. But either way, we cannot let our fear of their judgments stop us from being our authentic and best selves. Unfortunately, we sometimes worry so much about what others might think that we stop ourselves from living fully.
In an earlier article I shared about when I took a singing class and our assignments were to sing solo pieces. Throughout the whole semester whenever I had to sing, I became paralyzed. I was so concerned about what everyone else might think about me. At the end-of-term performance, I decided to let it all go. I convinced myself, finally, that no one would care, and I had an amazing performance. I was giddy with glee and had the most fun. I only regretted that I hadn’t allowed myself to have fun with it all before.
Judging Ourselves
My experience in this class, however, wasn’t colored by just my fear of what others might think of me. It was also affected by my own harsh critical thinking about myself. My thinking had narrowed my life experiences. I remember when I was younger wanting to perform and always being too afraid about looking stupid or doing the wrong thing. I judged myself too harshly and missed doing things I now wished I’d done. So when we turn judgment upon ourselves, we must again follow the practice of judging from a place of heart. We must practice being fully aware of our biases and our values; and most importantly, we must be gentle and compassionate with ourselves.
Making judgments is an integral part of our daily lives. This ability helps keep us safe and allows us to make the decisions necessary to navigate through our lives. But it is a tool, and as with any tool, we must learn how to use it skillfully. It’s important that we become aware of our values, biases, and past experiences that color our thinking; and whether we are judging ourselves or others, we must practice compassion and empathy.