Unexpected occurrences
Unexpected occurrences happen in all of our lives. How we deal with them reflects not only our deepest ingrained values, but also our current state of mind…our mindfulness. By way of example, at a recent retreat along the Northern California coast, one of my colleagues had the unfortunate experience of being “skunked.” It seems his dog, Marley, rooted out a skunk that was none too happy to be disturbed. Already in a compromised mood because of Marley’s intrusion, the skunk became rather assertive in his quest to share his bad mood and proceeded to not only spray poor Marley but also my colleague.
Arriving back from a pleasant evening with colleagues to our shared accommodations, I was immediately assaulted by the intense stench of skunk even before I entered. As I made my way inside, I was greeted by the same choking stench. Finding no one up to question, I made my way down to my room where my bunk mate recounted the unfortunate experience of our colleague and his trusted companion, Marley.
As I sat there on my bed, choking on the smell and musing about what to do, I found myself focused solely on how inconvenienced I was feeling — how intruded upon I was feeling by this horrible smell and its impact on the rest of my time at what, up until then, had been a most enjoyable experience. My bunk mate, on the other hand, was most concerned about our colleague and his dog and the impact this was having and yet to have on them.
What can we do when faced with unexpected and unpleasant experiences?
Reach into your bag of Joyful Life Tools:
1. Make a choice to react positively
How we react to a situation can make the situation tolerable, or it can escalate the situation into a most unpleasant and dampening experience. And, how we react is our choice at any and every given moment. Realizing this, I decided to stop focusing on me and feeling sorry for myself and, instead, start focusing on how grateful I was that I had not been the one to roust the skunk and cause his night to go awry.
The ability to choose a course of action is uniquely human and something we are faced with every minute of every day. We can choose to react with goodwill and humor even in the face of adversity, negativity, or unfortunate experience; or we can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and dwell in the morose, making the situation an escalating spiral of doom.
2. Find the humor in the situation
One tool you can use is humor. When possible, look at the situation as a child watching a cartoon and just laugh.
3. Choose to be grateful
Another tool is to find something to be grateful for in the experience. In the above instance, I switched my focus from inconvenience to gratitude. I chose to be grateful that I was not the one on the receiving end of the skunk’s “perfume” spray. As my bunk mate and I talked more about the situation, I found more things for which I was grateful. I was grateful that no one was hurt. I was also grateful that I did not have to travel three hours in a car with a furry dog that had been on the receiving end of the skunk’s spray. Furthermore, I was grateful that I did not have to grapple with having to eradicate the smell of a skunked dog from my car’s upholstery and carpeting. And, I was most grateful that I did not have to bear the brunt of the jokes that would surely follow this most unfortunate experience.
4. To make positivity even easier….
Gratitude is a powerful tool in our Joyful Life Tools tool bag. Gratitude helps us refocus our attention onto positives, rather than dwell on negatives. Another tool is a Gratitude Journal. This can be the same journal that you use regularly, or it can be a separate journal in which you record daily that for which you are grateful. If you don’t have one already, I encourage you to start a Gratitude Journal. Begin today by recording one event or thing that happened, or didn’t happen, for which you are grateful. Challenge yourself as the days, weeks and months progress to increase the number of gratitude entries you make in your Gratitude Journal. When you think you have nothing to be grateful for, look back at previous entries. I’ll bet after you do, there will be at least one thing that happened, in which you were or were not involved, for which you are grateful today.
An entry I will make in my Gratitude Journal is how grateful I am for each of you reading this article. You have deemed it important enough in your life to share with me the precious, irretrievable time in your life to read these words and, hopefully, be inspired to start or revisit your own Gratitude Journal. Gratitude — just one of the many tools for a joyful life available to all of us.